finding your wings.

Everyone should have their heart broken at least once in their lives. Not just broken, but obliterated. The kind of heartbreak that eclipses the sun, moon, and stars. The kind where this giant piece of you just decides to walk off into the sunset, without you, possibly taking some of your belongings with them.

There is no consolation for this kind of heartbreak. People will try, though. They will sit with you while you cry, supply booze and tissues and chocolate, make you go out and do fun things with them, and offer words of support and encouragement. None of this will penetrate the pain you feel, but you will be grateful for those people in your life. Heartbreak brings friends and family closer. They will live this awfulness with you.

You will feel as if time is dragging on, just an endless blur of days and nights. You will lose sight of things that are important to you because it just feels terrible opening your eyes every morning. You will descend into the depths of hell. You will think the darkest thoughts you’ve ever had in your life, ones that rival your teen angst years. In the moments when you are alone, your soul will feel as if it has been ripped away from the lining of your existence.

This kind of heartbreak lays you flat. It’s as if a tornado has torn through your life, creating a wide path of mass destruction. You won’t know how to function without this person in your life anymore. You’ll forget to eat. You’ll see their face everywhere you go. Every song, every car, every little thing will remind you of your loss. You will be certain of nothing. The future is hazy and scary and filled with things you never wanted. IMG_0037

Then one day you will wake up, and the pain is a little less than it was before. You’ll rub your chest, and realize your heart is still beating. You haven’t been able to feel it up until now. You will close your eyes and realize you don’t remember as many details about their face, or their mannerisms. Slowly, painfully, your wings will start to unfurl. Then, one morning, you find a feather on your laptop, and you will realize there is still hope and good things in the world. This whole miserable process has forced you to grow and change. Heartbreak can be necessary sometimes for you to become the best version of yourself.

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3 thoughts on “finding your wings.

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