the wanderer.


you know i can’t hold you down, can’t pin your comet tail to this earth

nothing’s going to slow that bullet force coming out of you

punkrat scene kid, sleeping under bridges

trying to find the next best high, the sound that shattered your soul

fully planning on waking up dead.

but those days are long gone, baby

all you have left is your wander

and i’m not taking it from you-

i need a bed that stays still beside me, not the creak of toss and turn.

i need the steady roll of tires beneath me, not the squeal of paths unplanned.

i need the constant, reassuring sound of chatter, not the finality of dial tone.

roam wherever you can, be as free as you need to be

but if your back gets old and weary and you find yourself lying still at night,

your rock-steady

waits for you.

it’s been awhile since I first saw you…

Yes. Those are Staind lyrics. It’s in my head, ok? Get off my wagon.

But yes. It has been awhile since I have updated the uncaring world as to the status of my condition.

So, let’s see…professionally, I begin my Master’s degree in English on April 3rd. I was just recently notified that I have qualified for one of the slots in the Lake Michigan Writers Summer Institute Program, a fellowship designed to make me a better teacher of English. I interview March 13th for that. I really hope that I get a spot, as I would love to learn more about writing and how to help my students become better writers.

And on that note, on a personal level, I have nothing more written in my book. Boo! But, I did sign up for a writing site online that seems legit. Waiting for a response.

Other personal things: the ex, let’s call him Pat Bateman, has been very quiet since he texted pics of his new truck a week or so ago. This sounds like an all-clear, but really what it is, is terrifying. It means the bomb is ticking, I just can’t hear it.

The other Achilles heel in my life, we will call him Peter Pan, has recently re-surfaced. Ever had a thorn in your heel that hurts every time you walk on it? But then when you sit down, it feels fine? Yeah, that’s him. I’m good until I hear from him, then I have to spend the next week shit-talking him in my head just so I don’t fall down that rabbit hole again. From this experience, I truly believe I understand how the addict’s brain works, and I can say with absolute certainty that it sucks. You know the thing is bad for you; that it will destroy you. And all you wanna do is sniff it, snort it, smoke it, shoot it, inhale it, whatever will get it inside you. Yeah, that’s him too.

Unfortunately, this is distracting me from my current flame, who I can say with 90% certainty, isn’t insane. He’s really pretty great. I enjoy spending time with him and he is a bright spot in all this darkness. I have more to say about him, but that’s an entire post. 😉

No Ireland this year. 😦 Mom and I discussed it and we both felt like we needed to be more prudent with our finances right this second. We made plans to go next year, but I am still bummed out. Good news is, MIMF will be having their fundraiser soon, and in September I will get to spend 4 days there, relaxing and enjoying some IRISH! Woot!

Oops, forgot to update you on mai kitteh…she has taken to sleeping in the bathroom all day on a specific towel. If you take it, you shalt die.

I think that’s all for now.