I wrote you poetry
but the words broke apart beneath
your scrutinizing gaze.
I loved you.
But it broke apart beneath
You have changed my chemistry,
I walk around now,
a different person.
Some days I dance in the light of that sun.
I curse your existence.
Who knew what it felt like to be
with thoughts and ideas,
ramblings and wonderings.
I sit in a chair
You are not here.
Is that easier or harder?
I have the rest of time to figure it out.
your call has been disconnected
the number you are trying to reach
has been emotionally unavailable
please try your call again when
-they have realized what life is all about
-they have given up their teen years
-they have aged mentally past age 12
-they have gotten their priorities straight
-they have gotten over their ex-wife
i call and call
but the number
I listen to the good and bad,
the wishes you had,
listen to the space between breaths-
I think I can undo this.
Undo the hurt, fill those spaces.
We’ll go back,
unwind that clock,
Undo the should’ve beens, the wish I’d’s,
Let’s untell this story.
We can make our own time machine
fueled by the electricity in our touch,
the heat from our kiss,
we can do this.
You give me your past
and I’ll give you mine.
We’ll cancel it out.
We’re untelling everything from this
Unraveling all that hurt until we find-
we’ve quilted something extraordinary.
His fingers travel
up the length of my legs
criss-crossing my hipbones,
trailing my stomach and
swirling around my breasts
Leaving a glow like fireflies
in their wake
I’m lit up, bone-deep.
When the morning sun
hits his beautiful face,
his long, dark eyelashes open to reveal
his honey olive eyes
and he tell me his dreams-
with just a few words
blew apart the exoskeleton
turning blood to black
to blue to red
the grey, cold
meat of heart muscle
pounding pink against silver
I keep stepping on-
until little pieces of me fly away.
The men roll up in tanks.
The men ahead dig you out.
They scope and scan, searching for any trace.
I follow behind.
I know your tricks, your graces,
the graves you dig.
I was all whole.
Until I stepped on your landmine.
Now I am pieces-
and learning to sew.
sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person.
sometimes your heart betrays what your mind already knows.
sometimes you see what you want to see instead of what is actually there.
sometimes you fall for a fraud.
a sleight of hand,
do not blame yourself.
self-hatred only digs the hole deeper in your aching soul.
it is a lesson.
teaching you to rely on yourself more,
to listen to your body, your mind, your being.
be afraid to love again.
the biggest lie in the world
is that recovery means learning to trust again.
recovery is learning to trust yourself again.
let others come into your fold,
not the other way around.
If I have loved you,
You were lucky.
Because when I love,
I love with every last bit of me.
From the roots of my hair to
the tips of my toes: I am yours.
I love fiercely.
My love is a rarity in these
But if you took my love
You will find that
It does have an end,
The brightest light in your life
will burn out.
Your soul will be lost
My love takes no prisoners.
Someone comes along. They put a large band-aid on you. To help your wounds heal. That same person comes and rips it off. Then, when your wounds are worse, they come along and put a new band-aid on. Then, they start to pull that band-aid, slowly. One little piece at a time. So slow you can barely tell, except for a quiet throbbing. But finally, the last piece is removed and that someone disappears. Your wound is exposed. You are the same as before that person existed.